*This is a lengthy one so get your snacks out and brace yourselves*
(I ended this post Jan. 10 as it was too much at the time for me to write and left it in my drafts. I almost spit my coffee out re-reading it but here's the post now with a whole new perspective on the bottom.. hahaha)
Late night, early morning thoughts from the empty bottles of a 4 pack of chardonnay and a slightly broken heart! This should be interesting seeing as the beginning of this post will be me slightly tipsy but pretty much sober... we'll say, 80/20 right now! (I'm kind of scared considering the spelling mistakes that I'm already having to correct and this is while I'm 20 sober!)(I ended this post Jan. 10 as it was too much at the time for me to write and left it in my drafts. I almost spit my coffee out re-reading it but here's the post now with a whole new perspective on the bottom.. hahaha)
I guess there's really no beating around the bush with this one so let's just start with the simple fact that OW! This fucking hurts!!! and yeah, yeah, yeah... "time heals all wounds" but FIRST I want to talk about it. First, I want to feel it. (And trust me when I say that a bottle of champagne will drown you right in the feels!)
I want to be able to talk about heart break for what it is. And that is, SHITTY! It's all those cliches that you hate but are inevitably true... "It is what it is.", "It's not you, it's me.", "I just don't have the time.", My exams are just around the corner." The list goes on and on and on and on... It's something that you can't escape and to be the realist-pessimist more often than not it happens a thousand times before prince charming or princess lea comes along and sweeps you off your feet..
So, WHY? Why the hell does it hurt so damn much to lose someone that "wasn't meant for you" in the first place? Sitting here, trying to come up with the reasons why feels like someone stabbed me in the heart, twisted it and stuck it in deeper...
But to put it bluntly, it doesn't. It doesn't actually hurt to lose someone that wasn't meant for you in the first place. It hurts that you can't have what you want! That's why time heals all wounds and eventually you move on. You find someone new, someone better. You've lost something that was yours for so long and it was comfortable even though it was shitty. Coming to terms with the fact that it's inevitable is the hardest part. No one wants to hurt and no one wants to feel pain but it's human nature. We want things that we don't need and convince ourselves that it or they are beneficial to our lives when truth is, we were better before it came along and we'll be fine when they aren't.
A flower needs the sun in order to grow and the heart needs to break in order to learn.
*you can't have one without the other*
I believe this to be 100% true. If you have a heart chances are it's going to break at least once in your life and that's if you're lucky. It doesn't have to apply to shitty breakups, it can apply to losing a loved on. It can apply to not getting into the school of your dreams. Not going on that dream vacation or getting that promotion. Heart breaks happen to motivate you to do something about it. To teach you that yes, life is shitty but you'll get over it. You'll get your dream job, your loved ones are in a better place, you'll get to travel, you'll meet the love of your life and you'll MOVE ON.
If you can learn from the heart break in any way that motivates you to what you should be doing in life than you're already winning. It doesn't have to harden your heart and it doesn't have to make you cold. Heart breaks are there to build you new again.
I let myself sulk in a relationship longer than I should have because I was afraid of losing something that was comfortable to me even though for a long time coming I knew it was over. I lost myself and started doing things I thought were right for me but that's when I started to become unhappy, when I started changing who I am to please someone and try and become their version of perfect. Of course there were wonderful times that I'll always cherish and remember but in the end it was never mine to have and I was never theres. Those memories, those things, they are just mere life experiences and I've come to terms with that. I no longer hurt the way I did when I first started this post. I no longer think about all the things I could've done because there's no point in thinking about the negative.
With that being said, take the heartbreak and learn from it. Feel every last bit of it but don't forget to step back into the sun and come back bigger and a little bad assy-er than ever!
XX
Charlie
*************************************************
(Started again May 3)But to put it bluntly, it doesn't. It doesn't actually hurt to lose someone that wasn't meant for you in the first place. It hurts that you can't have what you want! That's why time heals all wounds and eventually you move on. You find someone new, someone better. You've lost something that was yours for so long and it was comfortable even though it was shitty. Coming to terms with the fact that it's inevitable is the hardest part. No one wants to hurt and no one wants to feel pain but it's human nature. We want things that we don't need and convince ourselves that it or they are beneficial to our lives when truth is, we were better before it came along and we'll be fine when they aren't.
A flower needs the sun in order to grow and the heart needs to break in order to learn.
*you can't have one without the other*
I believe this to be 100% true. If you have a heart chances are it's going to break at least once in your life and that's if you're lucky. It doesn't have to apply to shitty breakups, it can apply to losing a loved on. It can apply to not getting into the school of your dreams. Not going on that dream vacation or getting that promotion. Heart breaks happen to motivate you to do something about it. To teach you that yes, life is shitty but you'll get over it. You'll get your dream job, your loved ones are in a better place, you'll get to travel, you'll meet the love of your life and you'll MOVE ON.
If you can learn from the heart break in any way that motivates you to what you should be doing in life than you're already winning. It doesn't have to harden your heart and it doesn't have to make you cold. Heart breaks are there to build you new again.
I let myself sulk in a relationship longer than I should have because I was afraid of losing something that was comfortable to me even though for a long time coming I knew it was over. I lost myself and started doing things I thought were right for me but that's when I started to become unhappy, when I started changing who I am to please someone and try and become their version of perfect. Of course there were wonderful times that I'll always cherish and remember but in the end it was never mine to have and I was never theres. Those memories, those things, they are just mere life experiences and I've come to terms with that. I no longer hurt the way I did when I first started this post. I no longer think about all the things I could've done because there's no point in thinking about the negative.
With that being said, take the heartbreak and learn from it. Feel every last bit of it but don't forget to step back into the sun and come back bigger and a little bad assy-er than ever!
XX
Charlie
